Sunday, September 30, 2012

Ball and chain

Very few things in life get me as limp dicked as going to weddings.

 I feel sort of bad about this, because if I've been invited to a wedding, it's usually for people that I sort or care about. And then everybody else whose been invited is tearing up during the vows or honestly laughing at the stupid shit the wedding party is doing when they're announced at the reception, and I'm this asshole with an insincere smile plastered on my face like, "aww, man this is just great." It's like that thing that straight girls do where they're all, "omg I'm sooo happy to see you!" but you can hear it in their voice that they're really not and they're not fooling anybody. It's that sort of game. Now-hubby and I went to a wedding this past weekend. I spent time internally commenting on how the church lights sort of had the Mortal Kombat symbol on them.

 Then I just spent the rest of the time being fidgety and antsy because I get like a stupid little kid in situations like that where I just want to leave. Then the people kissed and Now-hubby elbowed me and said, "can't you just clap?" and this is all I could manage.

In the grand scheme of things, it's the artifice of the whole wedding business that I'm opposed to. I'm honestly very happy for people when they find love, and are happy with another person (or persons). I just go to very few weddings where it's about that, and instead it becomes this carousel of opportunity for people to spout culturally approved trivialities. A reading from Corinthians is always a good start - you know, "love is patient, love is kind..." blah blah blah

For reference, 1 Corinthians is also the chapter in the bible that has a lot to do with the idea that it's actually better to stay a virgin and never get married, and marriage is only supposed to be a last resort for those who can't control the urge for fornication. Which, speaking of, I lasted just long enough this weekend to get to the point where somebody was making a hilarious innuendo to the bedroom shenanigans that were going to happen between the newly Mr. and Mrs. before I finally had to get out.

And so this entry isn't all piss and vinegar:

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