Saturday, February 21, 2015


Tonight's plans had originally included going back to the bi-friendly swinger parties, but instead I'm at home because my period started this week. Although I'm fairly comfortable with sexytimes during my period, I'm not as comfortable discussing it with several strangers over the course of a few hours. i.e. "It's not that messy if we just put a towel down. Yes, you might have to go wash blood off your pubic area afterward." I'm also incredibly uncomfortable with the possibility of accidentally getting some blood on somebody else's bedsheets and having that awkward few minutes afterward where I wipe it up with a cold washcloth. (For those of you out there who might not know how to deal with blood (of any kind, not just menstrual) on cloth, let me get all Heloise for a second and tell you the best thing to do is scrub it with cold water immediately.)

There was a brief consideration of still going to the bi party, just hanging out, and enjoying people's company in a completely platonic fashion. Although I know enough about myself that I'm not the type who can pay to attend a party and then say "no thanks, not tonight" if an opportunity I'm into presents itself. Historically, if I'm at a sexy party, there's bound to be at least one thing happening during the evening that I'll be into. Just having to sit twiddling my thumbs instead of jumping in to participate would be incredibly difficult.

Although it's worth noting that if you're looking to investigate sexy parties and unsure if you'll be into them, 4 of the 5 types I've attended so far would be perfectly okay if you wanted to attend and keep all your clothes on. The gang bangs are the one exception. Going to a sexy party without any expectations beyond just sort of checking out the scene is a decent way to metaphorically get your feet wet. Or literally. No judgements.

Parties are probably one of the easiest things to get involved in when you're new to non-monogamy. They seem the most intimidating, but I'm here to soothe your fears.

Are you ready for the list of reasons why sex parties are awesome? Of course you are.

1. If you're not into group sex, parties are still an awesome way to meet a lot of different people and get an idea of lots of different ways to put together an open relationship. I've already got a decent amount of advice logged here about how to go about putting an open relationship together. There's also tons of other great blogs, books, podcasts, etc. you could check out. It just depends on the format of information gathering you're most comfortable with. Parties are sort of the "fish in a barrel" option.

2. Consider the money issue. Because parties can be expensive, depending on your budget. Especially if you're going to attend as a single guy. It's just one of the unfortunate realities about the scene. However, the amount you're going to pay to attend a party isn't much more than a dinner out for two (the most expensive party I've attended topped out at $70 for single guys). The order, most to least, of attendance fees: Single guys, couples, single ladies. One helpful thing to keep in mind. The money you've spent isn't an entitlement fee. It doesn't guarantee you're going to get laid. (The gang bangs are again the exception to the rule here.) Think of the money as an attendance fee, sort of like something you'd pay to attend a convention. You'll check out the scene, probably learn a few things, and see if it's something you'd be into attending more regularly.

3. Parties are sort of the top-tier of sexual experience. Everybody's got their ranking system of what constitutes "freaky" sex. I've had conversations with people who considered blow jobs "kinky." All I'm saying is, after watching multiple people writhe around in various stages of sexual activity in the same space, things like asking for that threesome are going to seem way easier to surmount. 

Friday, February 20, 2015

Good Links

Although I don't as frequently check Oh Joy Sex Toy (I think Erika Moen is fantastic, but it's not my favorite comic by her), Now-hubby alerted me to this post where Abby Winters did a guest comic. Abby is also a hilarious, incredibly amazing webcomic person. And her advice on BDSM in this little comic is good shit.

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Shuffle the Deck

It is fucking snowing like crazy outside right now.

Which means instead of going to the Super Bowl party Now-hubby and I were supposed to, we're hunkered up at home. I did wind up making an entire pan of cornbread for the party, so looks like that's on the menu for...probably the rest of the month. 

It's a bummer, because I was looking forward to going and seeing a few people I haven't seen in awhile. On the other hand, now I can hang out here and write a post for all of you.

This past Friday I went to my second CPP. I wanted to let you all know about it, because after the first one I was sort of meh on the whole experience. This second party had different people hosting, and an entirely different mix of people attending. I haven't yet mentioned this element of sex parties, and it's a pretty crucial thing to keep in mind if you're looking to attend one. It's also the element over which you'll have the least amount of control, unless, of course, you're the one who's hosting the party. Then you have a bit more say in who's showing up, and how things are going to get run. 

At the first CPP, the ratio was about 3 people who had experience at parties for every 2 first timers. At this second party, there were around twenty people total. Seventeen of whom had experience participating at sex parties. That significantly tipped the scale on how the party went down. This isn't to go on a rant about how parties with newbies are terrible compared to parties where it's nothing but veterans. It's just a statistical advantage. This party had a distinct majority of people who not only had experience attending and participating at sex parties, but also (and probably more importantly) already knew each other and had played together before. 

Between the two CPP parties, the hosts didn't have an incredible amount of difference, as the party format was sort of already established. The people hosting this one were just looking to have this variety of party more frequently, and so offered to host in order to facilitate that.

As a random aside before we get started: about the single male problem. I didn't encounter it at all at this party (again, significantly high ratio of more experienced attendees), but as a thought that knocks around in my head every so often, I wonder if it's possible to sort of start a Big Brother program within the lifestyle. People who are designated at every party to take the newbies (especially guys, but also ladies if they'd like it) under their wing and sort of explain things and offer general tips. I feel like that would solve a lot of problems and be not incredibly difficult to implement. Just a thought.

Anyway. Here's how the party went down.

First, this party was hosted at a location that was child free. Again, despite my stance on having children myself, I totally support other's option to choose to have babies. All I'm saying is it might be a good idea to shuffle the little ones off to grandma's for the night if you're planning on having a bunch of naked, humping adults over.  

Second, this party was an incredible night of firsts for me. I got to fit my entire fist inside another lady for her first time. Lead-in included myself and my soon-to-be fisting partner watching another lady at the party getting fingered by a gentleman. As we were observing, the lady I was standing with mentioned how much she'd enjoy a similar encounter, at which point I immediately indicated that I was more than willing to accommodate this request. After successfully fitting four fifths of my hand into her vagina, I thought it worthwhile to ask if she'd be into fisting. There's nothing better in this entire world than holding a woman while her body continues to shake with orgasms, even after you've taken your fist out of her. So, to that particular lady:

Also on the list of firsts: the fuck saw.

That fucking thing. Let's just say I'm glad I warned the room in advance about my orgasms. Because it took a bit to come back to earth and regain complete motor control after experiencing it.

Third (because what are these lists if I don't have 3 things?), I'm putting in a shameless plug for a very dear friend who was one of the party hosts. He's recently written a book about his experiences in the lifestyle, and signed a copy for me at the party. Possibly my most favorite book signing ever. Because in what other situation can you have a book signing where both people are naked and the signer writes a quote from Tommy Boy for you in the book? You can find your own copy of the book here.