Thursday, November 28, 2013

Healthy competition

A bit ago, Questionable Content put up this comic.

Today Girls With Slingshots ran this.

Before we get into the meat of this entry, I'd like to just put a PSA out that both of these comics are totally awesome and you should check them out. I don't have any problem with either comic, I just noticed a recurring theme in these two particular strips, and it's something that's always struck me about more "traditional" relationships.

If you didn't catch it when you read the strips, the recurring premise is one person being somehow "better" in a relationship than anyone else. A character mentions is in the second panel of the QC strip: "I like you WAY more than I ever liked her." In the first panel of GWS: "You're a way better catch than Beatrice."

I asked some of my monogamous friends recently how they decide who is "worth" dating vs. who isn't. Is there like...a list of things that are specifically important in a mate and then they have to find that one other person that has exactly the same list? Is there a percentage of match up that is acceptable, or do you have to agree on 100% of the things? I joked with Now-hubby about compatibility and the Discovery Channel approach of people being on some sort of attractiveness scale from 1-10 and how, like, people who are under a 5 aren't compatible with those who are over 5. It's just not how the world works.

I've talked before about how I don't understand this ranking mindset when it comes to relationships and the people one's going to date. There's a quote from the first episode of Queer as Folk that goes, " might see him. The most beautiful man who ever lived. That is, until tomorrow night." It's like a person goes from one exclusive relationship to the next, and each one is supposedly "better" than the last. Unless the person's doing that thing where they're in a "worse" relationship that's supposed to make them realize how much "better" they had it in their previous relationship. That's another relationship trope I wish I could strangle.

Does one ever max out on the "good" relationship scale? It seems like there would be an incredible level of uncertainty on whether or not you were doing the absolute best you could. Every relationship becomes a competition on whether you're the winner or not.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Don't need candles and cake

I officially have three decades of life behind me as of this past weekend. I celebrated by getting together with some of my ladies from Curves for lunch, and then getting together with some of the ladies I work with at school for dinner. I also watched the Doctor Who 50th anniversary special while Now-hubby made fun of me for spending the entire show like this:

I wanted both Frisbee and Now-hubby to be a part of my birthday celebration. Now-hubby's parents were also going to be in town, so following my own advice on coming out meant doing so with them. Up until this point, it hadn't been particularly important for them to know about Frisbee as the chances that they would ever meet him were relatively slim. Frisbee was going to be around for my birthday, though, and damnit if I wanted to hold hands with him I was going to. Which meant Now-hubby's parents needed to know about my relationship with Frisbee.

I went about it over Facebook message. Heard a very brief, "thanks for telling us. See you this Saturday." from Now-hubby's father and absolutely nothing from his mother. Both of them called him the next day to make sure he actually knew about me and Frisbee and was okay with it. His mother cried and "doesn't get it." His father was a bit more stoic about the entire thing. 

When they actually visited, we didn't interact much, but that's fairly typical for when they're around. Frisbee and I weren't very overtly cuddly, but I can't tell if that was because it was also awkward for him to have Now-hubby's parents around or if there was some other reason. 

In any case, I'm very glad for having just bucked up and been honest with everybody. It made the last week of my 29th year on the Earth quite stressful (somehow the build-up to coming out has for me always been worse than the actual coming out experience), but it feels good to have been able to be more of myself on my birthday.

Next relationship experience to tackle: Going to Frisbee's familial relations for Thanksgiving. I've already met Frisbee's immediate family, but this is an entire new level of anxiety-inducing goodness! The first time I went with Now-hubby to his grandmother's for Christmas, I don't think I spoke the entire time. Not that anything went wrong, I just tend to get quiet when being introduced to large groups of people I don't know.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Neat stuff

I have three things for all of you intrepid readers tonight. In order of mention: one of them is relationship oriented, one of them is sex oriented, and one of them is just sort of a general FYI.

  1. Here are some relevant examples of questions people (and especially women) in open/poly type relationships get asked.
  2. Here is a neat article about a new initiative in Switzerland: sex drive-throughs for prostitution. (Found out about this through Marie Claire magazine of all places.)
  3. I've recently started reading A Study in Scarlet, which is totally awesome and everyone should check it out. It's the first Sherlock Holmes book and really neat.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

You learn something new everyday

Today I learned that my vagina is completely unpredictable and has apparently decided it wants to start my period this week instead of next week. Even though my period started the third week of the month last month, that's clearly no indicator that it will start on the third week of the month this month. I wish there was concise, easy way to describe how incredibly inconvenient it is to have a vagina that menstruates. Every other thing about my vagina I'm fairly okay with; even some of the less pleasant maintenance aspects of having a vagina. There are plenty of awesome things about it that balance out. (Also, quick aside update on the Lelo beads - I can now hold a 2 lb weight with my kegel muscles for almost a full minute. I think that's pretty damn impressive.) Oh, and my vaginal orgasms are completely fucking phenomenal. I love them. So there's quite a lot I'll put up with if it means I get to keep having those.

But menstruation? UUUUUUUUGH.

I will save you all the pithy rant that's about to happen about all the other aspects about having a period that suck. This entry is only about the scheduling. And how nice it would be if my vagina could just make up it's damn mind and pick one consistent week during the month where it'll gush out blood.

Do you hear me vagina?! Cooperate with me on this!

The part that angers me the most is that a period is biology conspiring against me. I am choosing not to have babies, yet my body is expecting me to. Therefore every month it builds up this blood lining within my uterus to nourish the tiny blastocyst it hopes will be implanted within it. (Yes, I googled the actual stage of egg development where it attaches to the uterine lining. Scientific accuracy is important.)

Do you know what would be better? If my body just took all that blood and put it back into my bloodstream. Re-integrated it. "Hey, I noticed you weren't using this to make a baby, we'll take it and do something more useful with it." Which, my period is also a helpful indicator that I'm not having a baby that month, but I feel the body could come up with other ways to indicate that as well. Maybe like a tiny subliminal, celebratory trumpet noise. Or the completed stage music from Mario Bros.

That could just play once ever month quietly inside a lady's head. Nobody else would hear it, but she would know she had made it through another month of sexual intercourse without becoming preggers. Congrats, lady. Thanks for being awesome and not bloody and annoying, vagina.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Put it on your calendar

Now-hubby recently got me on Google calendar, which is on the one hand very useful because now I can put all of my appointments and things in one place more or less as I schedule them. And is on the other hand completely overwhelming because fuck damn am I busy. I guess I never really thought about my overall schedule until Google calendar laid it all out in little color blocks for the month of November and I was just sort of staring at it thinking, "where is my free time?"

Answer: there isn't any.

I was answering some questions about my relationships for one of the newer people at work earlier this week. Schedule was their main concern. "How do you find time for two relationships?" My answer? I start with myself. I try to schedule at least one evening a week where I do absolutely nothing. Well, or I get to do whatever I would like to do. Watch Doctor Who, write in this blog, read a book, whatever! I don't plan any chores around the house on this night, I don't make any big plans with either Now-hubby or Frisbee for that night, and I don't schedule dates with other people for that night.

Lately, I've been picking up extra shifts at Curves, and it's made scheduling that "me" night difficult. Adding shifts at Curves onto my day means total work time averages around 13 to 14 hours by the time I get home. It wears pretty quickly, and it makes even the scheduled activities that I would normally look forward to (meeting with a friend to double team his wife, going to a dungeon, a dinner date with a new gentleman) seem more like hassles to schedule. We've got a nice 3-day weekend coming up at school soon, so I'm hoping to recharge a bit then.

In unrelated news, I learned the word TWIRP today. Go ahead, Google it. It's a high school dance thing.