I was talking to now-hubby recently about the definition of "vanilla." He does a podcast with a few other gentleman, and recently they got together to do a live recording. When he was telling me about it later, it came up that the other guys involved were fairly vanilla. The way now-hubby put it: "I don't even think any of them have ever done it in the butt." Me: "You mean, not even accidentally like, 'oops now it's in your butt?'"
The individual human experience being what it is, it's always fascinating to be among different groups when talking about sexual acts. For example, within the kink community there are experiences others have had that I haven't, nor am I interested at all in trying. But it's still out there as an option, and I'm familiar with the vocabulary. Sometimes I will forget myself outside of the kink community if I'm around people who I feel I otherwise have a lot in common with and say something like, "rope play" and then just get blank looks.