Friday, June 8, 2012
Two points for honesty
A side-note to the entry on open relationship input. Honesty. Especially when we're talking about the communication aspect. Not only honesty about who you're with/what is going on, depending on how much your significant other wants to know (i.e. "I'm going out with so-and-so to whereabouts, we'll be back at this time, there will possibly be this sexual event occurring at some point in the evening.") Also honesty about feelings, which is the more difficult aspect. At least it was for me. Being able to say, "this makes me feel uncomfortable." Or, "I'd really like it if you'd kiss me right now." (Hopefully these sentences don't occur one after the other. :p) Asking for what I wanted is/was a huge hurdle. Who can say if it's partly upbringing, futilely trying to keep everything together even while those around me continuously tore it down. Or maybe just the old societal, "you're a lady, don't talk about things you want, because guys don't want to hear about that." Who knows. Now-hubby and I got in a discussion once over an event I was going to with one of the other guys I was dating. It was something now-hubby would also be interested in, but I had just recently met the other guy, and wanted to spend the time just with him. Instead of just saying, "I'd like this time to just be me and so-and-so," now-hubby and I wasted about 2 days going, "well, what do you feel?" before he finally got bored and asked, "What do you want to do? Just say it." Therapy woman tells me I need to start counting to 3 when somebody asks me a, "What do you want?" question and then just say honestly what I'm thinking. Perhaps we'll get there someday.