Saturday, February 21, 2015


Tonight's plans had originally included going back to the bi-friendly swinger parties, but instead I'm at home because my period started this week. Although I'm fairly comfortable with sexytimes during my period, I'm not as comfortable discussing it with several strangers over the course of a few hours. i.e. "It's not that messy if we just put a towel down. Yes, you might have to go wash blood off your pubic area afterward." I'm also incredibly uncomfortable with the possibility of accidentally getting some blood on somebody else's bedsheets and having that awkward few minutes afterward where I wipe it up with a cold washcloth. (For those of you out there who might not know how to deal with blood (of any kind, not just menstrual) on cloth, let me get all Heloise for a second and tell you the best thing to do is scrub it with cold water immediately.)

There was a brief consideration of still going to the bi party, just hanging out, and enjoying people's company in a completely platonic fashion. Although I know enough about myself that I'm not the type who can pay to attend a party and then say "no thanks, not tonight" if an opportunity I'm into presents itself. Historically, if I'm at a sexy party, there's bound to be at least one thing happening during the evening that I'll be into. Just having to sit twiddling my thumbs instead of jumping in to participate would be incredibly difficult.

Although it's worth noting that if you're looking to investigate sexy parties and unsure if you'll be into them, 4 of the 5 types I've attended so far would be perfectly okay if you wanted to attend and keep all your clothes on. The gang bangs are the one exception. Going to a sexy party without any expectations beyond just sort of checking out the scene is a decent way to metaphorically get your feet wet. Or literally. No judgements.

Parties are probably one of the easiest things to get involved in when you're new to non-monogamy. They seem the most intimidating, but I'm here to soothe your fears.

Are you ready for the list of reasons why sex parties are awesome? Of course you are.

1. If you're not into group sex, parties are still an awesome way to meet a lot of different people and get an idea of lots of different ways to put together an open relationship. I've already got a decent amount of advice logged here about how to go about putting an open relationship together. There's also tons of other great blogs, books, podcasts, etc. you could check out. It just depends on the format of information gathering you're most comfortable with. Parties are sort of the "fish in a barrel" option.

2. Consider the money issue. Because parties can be expensive, depending on your budget. Especially if you're going to attend as a single guy. It's just one of the unfortunate realities about the scene. However, the amount you're going to pay to attend a party isn't much more than a dinner out for two (the most expensive party I've attended topped out at $70 for single guys). The order, most to least, of attendance fees: Single guys, couples, single ladies. One helpful thing to keep in mind. The money you've spent isn't an entitlement fee. It doesn't guarantee you're going to get laid. (The gang bangs are again the exception to the rule here.) Think of the money as an attendance fee, sort of like something you'd pay to attend a convention. You'll check out the scene, probably learn a few things, and see if it's something you'd be into attending more regularly.

3. Parties are sort of the top-tier of sexual experience. Everybody's got their ranking system of what constitutes "freaky" sex. I've had conversations with people who considered blow jobs "kinky." All I'm saying is, after watching multiple people writhe around in various stages of sexual activity in the same space, things like asking for that threesome are going to seem way easier to surmount. 

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