Saturday, August 3, 2013

The one where I watch The Canyons

Last night I noticed on tumblr that The Canyons was available to rent online in a couple different places. I'd been interested in seeing it because:

1. This guy was in it:

2. Bret Easton Ellis. Like him as a writer. Not particularly crazy about the movies so far, but they're not so abysmally terrible that I'd actively avoid one.

For those of you who are interested, the imdb summary is actually pretty much the entire plot. Now-hubby says I'm being "generous" by saying it wasn't terrible. The way I look at it, if you're even vaguely interested, there are worse ways to waste an hour and a half of your life. Here's the main takeaways.

1. James Deen can not act. Or walk like a normal person. There's a really subtle line between actors who are playing their characters and actors who actually are their characters. I had actually fairly high hopes that James Deen would transcend that line even though his main motivation for acting so far has been, "and then you're going to nail this chick until her eyes cross." Ah, well. He tried.

Also, maybe I was just over-analyzing everything, but he sort of walks like he has no idea how walking works.

2. Lindsay Lohan has not aged well. As Now-hubby pointed out several times during the movie, she's 5 years younger than he or I. I feel like the make-up people didn't have any particular motive to make her look as bad as she does, that's just the way things are now. Sadness.

3. Bret Easton Ellis has some fucked-up shit to say about relationships and sex. This one is actually not a bad point. American Pyscho had one part in particular that made my vagina almost completely close up with fear and also almost made me throw up. (It's in the book, not the movie. I'll just say three words: rat, brie, vagina. shudders) Rules of Attraction was pretty non-standard as far as the relationships that happened there. And The Canyons is rife with stuff that's just sort of like, "daaang." I like that.

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