Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Submissive speak

When I do my little online dominatrix thing, I invariably get posts from submissives where the entire context is, "lol I dunno what I like. Isn't that your job to tell me?"

Short answer? No.

Back in the day when I walked uphill both ways to school and was first getting involved in the BDSM community, I really didn't know much about "the scene." I didn't call myself a "submissive" - part of this was my undying hatred for relationship terminology. Sort of like how I've never really felt comfortable being anybody's "girlfriend" or "partner" or what have you. In an equitable sense, I've never been comfortable using terms like "husband," either. Not in a conversational sense. I mean, I can ask somebody else about their husband. "How was your weekend with your husband?" But in order to classify somebody that is spending time with me so specifically just sort of makes my skin itch.

In any case. Regardless of whether I used the proper term or not, I didn't know much about myself as a submissive. The woman I was with and I took things slowly, and started with things like light bondage and impact. Turns out I liked those, and we moved on to other things. If I thought I didn't like something, I spoke up about it and we crossed it off the list as a possibility. I did some more research (books, mainly, but also a fair amount of porn. Which, I know, is not the best learning material out there, but it isn't unhelpful, either).

I did a few sessions with these shoulder shruggers, and they're never any good. I don't want a submissive who has no idea what they like and can't give me some form of direction. Now, the submissives who get very quiet and all sub-spacey in a session and then I sort of have free reign...those are a different and altogether more enjoyable story.

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