Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Green eyes

I was talking with my bestie recently about our crazy lady brains and how much we dislike them. I forget where I read it recently, but the gist was the difference between a psychological "norm" among men vs. a psychological "norm" among women, and how the second is almost completely impossible to set. Because we be all crazy and things. Not that men don't have their own idiosyncrasies, but women are odd in our very own special fucking snowflake way. It's hilariously awesome and annoying all at the same time.

So we were comparing stories, and bestie asked if I ever got jealous. We've known each other for 15 years (this time period includes high school), we had very similar upbringings (read: shitty and emotionally damaging), and we've been each other's sounding boards for things on several occasions. She's the one person I know I can always count on to tell me to get my head out of my ass about something, and one of the very few people that I'll actually listen to.

When I thought about it, I don't get jealous. Not that it's an emotion that I used to feel and I've somehow "conquered" or "gotten over" it.  I've just never had the desire to "own" somebody, or make a relationship so exclusive as to exclude any type of extra-relationship interactions. As an aside, one of the frisbee guys once asked how many boyfriends/girlfriends I've had, and I could honestly answer none. I've had relationships with people, and I've got notches in the bedpost, but I've never really used that terminology, and I've never had a relationship that was so clearly delineated as to, "well, now I guess we're a 2-for-1 type of deal." The amount of time and effort people put into caring and thinking about what their significant other is doing or who they're talking to or where they're going seems exhausting to me.

That being said, I do get insecure about other women being more intelligent, prettier, etc. than I am. I think fairly frequently about how much "easier" things would be for the people I'm with if they just went to be with one of those "better" women. I don't count that as jealousy, though. And bestie didn't either.

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