Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Sharpen your scissors

Now-hubby has got us watching Orange is the New Black. So far, I am pretty unimpressed with it. We're in the fifth episode, and so far I could condense the show thusly: Some white lady goes to prison for the most boring crime ever and 100% of the people around her in prison are more interesting than her, but we never get to learn anything about the really interesting people because they're not the main character.

Which I didn't realize until just now that the person behind OTNB is the same lady who did Weeds, and I hated the shit out of that show as well. So that explains a little bit, I guess.

The main issue I have, though? It's how OTNB apparently has no freaking idea how lesbian sex actually works.

There have been two notable scenes so far (both involving the incredibly sexy Natasha Leon).

One is in the shower, and the take-away lesson is that a woman's vagina is actually located on her inner thigh.  Maybe I've been doing it wrong all these years, but in my opinion if you're properly munching carpet you shouldn't be able to look over the woman's leg at somebody. Your head should be parallel with her legs, not perpendicular to it.

The second one happens in the chapel (ooooh, it's like extra sinful or something), and I...I can't even begin to figure out what's supposed to be happening. Natasha's head is at least in the right position, but then her hand is also there? And her arm is in the weirdest position I've ever seen for doing anything. I'm going to try to explain this with a picture reference.

Except Natasha was sitting down on the ground, and instead of that balance ball imagine a woman's crotch. That's what the sex looked like. If that makes sense to anybody out there, please explain this to me.

No comments:

Post a Comment