Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Sugar and spice

Side-note before we begin this entry: I had to recently text all the ladies I work with about how Frisbee went out with a lady to watch Interstellar. (I legitimately had to Google the name of the movie just now, that's how little I care about the film. That's relevant to later things in this entry.) Once he got home, Frisbee first spent a good amount of time updating Now-hubby on how the movie was before talking with me about all the specifics of the date. I felt it necessary to text the ladies I work with about this lest they continue to imagine my little poly household looks like this:

Relevant parenthetical be relevant. I actually cared quite a bit about Frisbee going out to this movie, because it's sort of the first "outside" date that he's been on since we've more formally established our relationship. I set a few boundaries before he went: text me once he got to the movie theater and then after the movie in regards to whether he would be coming home or maybe he and the lady would be continuing the date in some fashion. He wound up coming home after the movie; we talked, and after a bit of processing time on my part, went over the things that are important to me going forward. Mainly that I be kept updated if they make any other plans together, and that I know if things change in any way either physically or emotionally between the two of them. First dates are weird, and it feels over-ambitious for me to already be anticipating the future for Frisbee and her. However, I've also come to recognize more concretely the things that I can reasonably ask for to help me feel included and still loved as the men in my life pursue other relationships.

All that aside, I cared very little about the actual movie they went to see. Unless it had been something I had actively wanted to see with Frisbee, the choice of film for this date did not matter at all. The fact that it was Interstellar (just had to scroll back up to remember the name) was almost a win-win. I don't care at all about the specifics of that movie, so I was more free to focus on the particulars of the date itself.

Which leads us to the main point of this entry, which is me being an incredibly judgmental douche on an almost daily basis.

I don't want to talk specifically, either, about movies. I want to talk about how I've grown to be almost immediate with my judgements, and how I tend to stick with them.

I'm an heiress to the Haterade empire. As early as third grade summer camp there was a girl in my bunk who spent every night crying homesick and me internally:

I guess what I'm getting at is I'm an acerbic bitch and I don't make any apologies for it. On the whole it's actually been incredibly helpful as I've cut through the majority of people I don't actually want to try and maintain some form of "relationship" with. Much like my approach to sexual contact, being direct with people I'm not interested in has been incredibly beneficial in that it establishes rather quickly a baseline with which to work from. Outside of the sexual realm, being conversationally unavailable with people I find just generally uninteresting has also proven beneficial in that I'm not wasting a bunch of time keeping up with inane conventions.

One notable example being this most recent gang bang, where there was a feature porn star attending. I went in expecting the men to be stupid (because omg a lady who enjoys sex so much she actually made it her profession what an oddity). I went in comfortable with the inflated ticket price for attendance (because a lady who's profession is sex deserves to be compensated for her talents). I went in with absolutely no expectations as to who this woman would actually be. Within the first hour of her being at the party and actually listening to her speak, I had formed my judgement based solely on her as a person, and spent the rest of the party biting my tongue and trying not to be in the same space as her for too long. It was a bit different, as anybody being paid an appearance fee is immediately suspect as far as genuineness. So I won't go into specifics and just leave it that I didn't think I'd get along particularly well with this woman.

Given years of practice, I'm skillfully quick at passing judgment. I'm also incredibly rigid once I've made a decision. But despite everything else, I'm rarely outwardly, openly cruel to other people. Which is why the majority of the time (outside of this blog) I prefer to not say anything at all.

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