Tuesday, April 2, 2013


I previously talked about some societal tropes that I disliked, mostly so I could complain about babies/children and how not worth it they are. Tonight, I read this decent article about "hook up culture," so I'd like to revisit the first two tropes a bit more in detail in their own entry.

Women and men can't be friends

I actually struggle a lot with this one, because on the one hand I sort of agree with it. On the other hand it depends on how you define "friends." People I've talked to seem to define "friends" in that way that means "totally platonic acquaintances who will never see each other naked or touch lips with each other." Also in the sense that therefore, women and men can't be "friends," because inevitably one of them is going to do one of those things to the other one, and then the "friendship" is somehow over, and then you have to find like this new word to define what the two of you have (see next trope). So, yeah, I kind of agree with that if I think about "friend" meaning the same thing these people have it mean. On the other hand, I tend to define "friend" as "a really cool person I hang out with." And generally if a person is really cool, I'm going to want to touch my lips to their lips. Possibly etc. It's the transitive property in an exponential sense. (Please don't harangue me too much for that mixed math metaphor, Frisbee.) Hanging out with a really cool person is super fun. Touching lips with another person is also sometimes fun. So touching lips with a really cool person has the potential to be super fun. It doesn't necessarily mean that the two people involved need to be something different than just "friends" (again, see next trope). In relation to the article, just fucking hook up if you want to hook up.

Sex = Connection and commitment

This one is consistently confusing for me. I'm not saying that sex is completely meaningless, or that you can have sexual experiences where you don't know anything about the other person you're fucking (unless you're into public use type of stuff...I guess that could happen). I'm just saying that just because you got naked with another person and did things that made you both feel good (hopefully) doesn't mean that you have to now feign interest in all other aspects of each other. It's perfectly okay to just put your clothes back on and then not care about what each of you does in your clothes-on lifestyle. It's a bit like being a superhero, in a way. Clothes-on mild-mannered alter ego and clothes-off secret identity. The two aren't meant to mix (unless you find that really special someone(s)) who you can have both identities with.

I'll sum it all up with a blurb from the article (although you really should just go and read the entire thing):

Instead of taking the “radical” step of keeping it in their pants, college students should tackle the problem at the source: Make out, but respect the person you kiss.

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