Monday, October 10, 2016

Stale Mate

Now-hubby and I have reached a bit of an impasse with our relationship. After four sessions with the therapist, things weren't progressing. That's the standard relationship cut-off point, yeah? Four dates to figure out whether the two of you are trying for forever?

To be perfectly clear, we weren't trying to date our therapist. I'm being explicitly facetious about "standard" relationship progression in order to express frustration with how much time and effort I've invested for the minimal changes within our relationship. Our therapist was phenomenal. She had a lot of insights into how Now-hubby and I operate as a couple. In the end, I decided to discontinue couples therapy because it started to feel like an "easy" fix for Now-hubby. Talk in front of a professional: one hour, once a week. Address a lot of issues in the way we understand each other and how things have gone down since capital-T Thursday. Make the absolute minimal effort to adapt our relationship outside of that weekly hour.

Which is not to say the therapy train has let the station. I've got two appointments set for early December with psychiatrists. The only reason for the time delay is I wanted to narrow the field to fit some strict criteria. I'm considering letting somebody alter the way my brain works chemically; I'd like them to have at least a 4/5 star rating from previous patients. Also important: a pysch that's taking new patients and has an actual human I can talk to when I call their office. Don't worry, dear readers, I'll be posting on how the medicinal approach to what previous therapists have diagnosed as "generalized anxiety disorder" goes.

Next week will mark the two month anniversary of capital-T Thursday. Two months in which Now-hubby and I haven't so much as kissed on the mouth. I've reached lows I haven't since when I was still living at home. Now-hubby's waiting for me to match the emotional intensity he's got going on in his other relationship. I'm waiting for his NRE (new relationship energy) rose-colored glasses to fade back to standard UV levels.

It'll be another two months before I can even start the discussion of changing the way I address reality. By that time, I don't know what color Now-hubby's glasses are going to be.

I don't know if it will matter.

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