Today, Now-hubby, Frisbee, and I all went out to dinner to hash out a schedule and preliminary guidelines for how this living together thing is going to work. This was a fairly difficult step for me, as I am total shit when it comes to saying what I want. So even initiating and asking for us to take this step was quite panic inducing, and then actually going through the notes I had written to myself on what was going to be important to me and asking for their input was difficult to get through.
On the one hand, I'm incredibly lucky because both Now-hubby and Frisbee are really laid-back guys, and it takes quite a bit to rustle their jimmies.
On the other hand, I have a very distinct history of people either not regarding my feelings at all, or telling me directly that my feelings and desires don't matter. So even going through a rather brief list of things I'd like in this relationship has the capability to blow up in my face. Although it would be supremely unlike them, either Frisbee or Now-hubby could have gotten up from the table, said something to the effect of, "I didn't think it was going to be like this," and leave. Then forever after the relationship I had with them will just be that weird story they get to tell to their future significant others while they shake their heads and thank the powers that be that the relationship they've formed with this new significant other is so normal.
Those are the thoughts that run through my head every single time I even so much as consider speaking my mind or asking for something I want.
Thankfully, none of those imagined horrible scenarios actually happened, and now I have this nice Google Doc with 4 or 5 main points. In lieu of calling them "rules," I'll use the term "guidelines" instead. In my experience with this whole being open business, I've found least-restrictive to be the best option. So I didn't want to bog down things with a whole lot of regulations, I just needed a few bullet points to help manage my anxiety levels. Last night, Frisbee's first night in the house, I asked both him and Now-hubby which bed I was supposed to sleep in. To which they both replied, "whichever you'd like." Which seriously just made me consider sleeping out on the couch by myself.
Now I have this great schedule so I know that on Mondays and Wednesdays I sleep in Frisbee's room. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I sleep with Now-hubby. ("Sleep" in this particular instance means in the biblical sense - for the most part.) I get Friday nights to myself, which means just regular sleep with either Frisbee or Now-hubby on a rotating basis. Weekends (Saturday and Sunday) also are on a rotating schedule.
After dinner we all came home and Frisbee sat in his room on his computer, Now-hubby sat in his room on his computer, and I sat out in the living room and started this blog entry. Because, despite what your little fantasies might tell you, having two dudes around does not equal dicks in and around all my orifices at all times.