Sunday, June 1, 2014

Do not pass go.

There is an adage that gets floated around that goes something like this: "How do you know if somebody is [blank]? Don't worry, they'll tell you." The phrase can be filled in with plenty of descriptive nouns, and the general idea is that you never have to worry about whether or not somebody identifies in a particular way, because said person will let you know before you have a chance to ask.

I've recently started playing a new game where I see how long it takes a person I've just met to mention if they're in a relationship. There's not really a "win" or a "lose," to this game, it's more just curiosity. How long can I be in a conversation with somebody before they bring up their significant other? 

Here are the rules for "People be Bringing up Their Significant Others", if you're interested in playing:

1. The significant other can not be in the same space as the person you are meeting.

Immediate disqualification if you meet somebody and that person's significant other is at the same event/place/thing. "Hi, I'm so-and-so and this is my significant other what's-her-face." Those don't count.

2. Instant bonus points if the significant other gets brought up within the first three conversation turns.

Refer to rule one. Unless it's a natural progression of introductions, somebody blurting something out about their relationship within the first few seconds of you meeting them gets you bonus...somethings. Bonus smug feelings?

3. Also bonus points if the significant other is brought up completely off-topic.

What does somebody's preferred pizza topping have to do with whether or not they're in a relationship? I have absolutely no idea. But apparently sometimes those two things are worth mentioning in the same sentence. 

4. You fucking win the game if the only reason somebody brings up their significant other is to complain about them in a completely heteronormative fashion. 

No comments:

Post a Comment