Last weekend, Frisbee and I went to a tournament a few hours away. A mutual friend had set up the team, and many emails commenced before travel as to how we were going to arrange carpool, hotel rooms, etc.
Amongst the emails one of the guys on the team requested a "guys only room" at the hotel. Number one reason was because "[my] wife would prefer that."
My initial reaction was to rage face.
Because...gah. Fucking straight people and their stupid relationship insecurities. We were going to be in town for a frisbee tournament and this lady can't even trust her spouse to sleep in the same bedroom as the women on the team because she's that afraid his dick will accidentally find it's way into somebody else's mouth?
Then we got to the tournament and I put two and two together about the guy who had sent the email requesting the guys only room. I had met him before and really gotten along with him. Which, in the standard ways of cognitive dissonance, left me with two options. 1. I could completely ignore the fact that I thought this guy was an alright character previously and hold onto my belief that because his relationship sounded stupid, he was probably stupid. Or 2. I could try and gather more information about the situation and see how the two disparate bits of information could be possible.
So I actually sat down on a break between games and talked to the guy about his relationship and the reasons behind requesting a guys only room. Yes, it was to avoid "temptation." But here's the thing. The more I talked with him the more I got the impression that he and his wife had actually sat down and really discussed how they wanted their relationship to look and function. As opposed to just sort of saying, "well, we're married and now that means we can't be around anybody of the opposite sex anymore."
And then never revisiting that thought or discussing it any further. Putting a ring on it tends to mean that you get to keep all the same shitty "exclusivity" rules that you had in your relationship, but now you don't actually ever have to talk about them ever again. Because...you know. It's probably written down in that marriage contract somewhere. And you both signed that.
It was incredibly refreshing to meet somebody who had actually considered his relationship and made boundaries within that relationship that he felt completely comfortable and good about. Is the "guys only" rule something I would abide by in my own relationships? No. Is it something I can actually respect if it comes from two people who have agreed upon it after considering all other options? Yes.