Ride it, my pony

Last night I was invited over to a friend's for some pegging. My friend knew another gentlemen that was interested in trying pegging, so my friend served as the liaison between the two of us. Because that's what friends are for. Recognizing a fetish two people have in common and then getting those people together.

I got a chance to wear my new RodeoH as part of the experience. Which, seems very...femme of me to talk about the fashion of the harness I was wearing instead of giving you all graphic details of the pegging experience. Whatever. It's my blog and this is what I want to talk about. In brief (haha, underwear pun): We met, discussed things like hard limits and safe words (because consent and communication with sexual partners is important, ya'll), then he sucked my cock for a bit before I bent him over on his hands and knees, fingered his asshole and then fucked him in the ass for about 40 minutes.

After a completely horrific experience with Velvet Nest, I ordered a harness from RodeoH. (I'm not even providing a link for Velvet Nest, because I'm that upset with them. Long story short, ordered a harness through them, hadn't received it a month and a half later. Never got any responses to my customer service inquiries. If you're looking for a harness, they're the last place I'd recommend trying.) I got just the black boxer harness from rodeoH, and it was pretty damn fantastic last night. I also got the purple panty-type one, but I ordered it a size too small, so I have to wait to exchange those for the next size up. But the experience with the boxers was really good, so I'm looking forward to the other style as well.

Here's all the things I like, in my typical "3 things" list fashion:

1. Style

I liked the RodeoH harness because it looks like regular underwear. There's a little "O" ring in the front where you can put the dildo through, but otherwise they're styled like typical underwear. Also, they're super sleek and sexy looking. Okay, maybe I don't look as ultra-awesome as some of the models they have on their website, but I still felt I looked pretty damn good in them.

2. Comfort

Wore the harness under my jeans to where I was meeting up with my friend and the guy. They're definitely tight, but not uncomfortably so. There aren't any straps or hooks or what-have-you that dig into your skin, and the harnesses are fabric, so they're soft and comfortable to wear.

3. Ease of operation

Getting the dildo into the harness is literally as simple as slipping it through the built-in inner pouch and out through the "O" ring in front. I was a bit worried that the dildo would slip around during play (I've had harnesses in the past where I'd have to adjust straps, rings, and snaps frequently in order to keep a dildo in place), but however rodeoH's figured out the mechanics, it's fantastic. I used a dildo about...5 inches long. Maybe an inch to inch and a half thick. I'd say if you were going to use anything much thinner there might be a problem. It seems like the "O" ring can stretch to accommodate thicker dildos, but thinner ones might knock around a bit.

Two for

Props to this month's issue of Glamour.

For having two sort-of-non-monogamy mentions in this issue.

First, their Word of the Month.

It's featured on like...one of the first pages of actual content in the magazine. (I know, page 68. wtf)

Then, this little tid-bit about a dude who's in an open relationship with his wife.

I thought this one was particularly note-worthy because it's part of an article about people's first time doing things, and they put the one about a dude being in an open marriage as the first piece. Maybe as an, "omg this is so scandalous" sort of teaser to get people to read the rest of the article, but it's still cool because he actually sounds like he's got a pretty well-thought out relationship with his wife, so I'll count it as a win.

Opportunistic

Now-hubby recently joined the ranks of sexy singles in his area on OkCupid. He's been messaging with a few interesting ladies. So far, nothing has manifested into meeting in person, date-type scenarios, but I'm sure I'll be kept in-loop if anything of that nature occurs.

The German has had a lady geographically significantly closer to him mention meeting up. He asked my opinion on it, to which I said if he was actually interested in the girl he should go for it.

One of my biggest insecurities in anything is abandonment. It goes a shade beyond the, "you'll find somebody better than me" mind-fuckery to, "you'll find somebody else and completely abandon me." It's not just the idea of "better" anymore. Said other person could be completely outside any comparison; the actual hurt comes when the person I was originally involved with stops interacting with me completely. The original person and I don't even have to have been in any type of significant relationship. I've had plenty of purely platonic friends disappear off the face of the earth as soon as they find "the one," and that fucking sucks.

Given a slightly more significant relationship with people, the possibility for abandonment becomes more crystalline and exponentially more frightening. It sucks when somebody I'm friends with becomes completely unavailable because of their new relationship. I imagine my heart would literally melt out onto the floor if somebody significant to me became unavailable because of a new relationship.

(Also, I don't know what's up with me and the Robert Pattinson gifs right now.)

However, this was a pretty significant point for me when I imagined how my eventual relationships were going to work. Yes, I was going to fuck slash possibly become romantically involved with other people, but my partner was going to have the exact same opportunity to do those things as well. I feel you can live a poly relationship where only one partner is "practicing poly," but to have a relationship where one person is specifically hindered from exploring other relationships is total bunk. So I had to prepare my heart for possible melting and hope that I would communicate enough and meet people awesome enough to communicate back to me. So far, so good.

For Better or Worse

Tonight's baking endeavor is corn bread. I've never made it before, and it's currently in the oven as I type this, so hopefully it turns out alright. Now-hubby and I are going over to podcast guy's house for a Superbowl slash board game slash possible sexytimes party on Sunday, and I volunteered to bring the corn bread. Two reasons for this.

1. I really like corn bread, so if it turns out well, it will be nice to know I can make it for myself if I want.
2. I feel it's always a good idea to bring something to a party, and as they're already making chili, I thought cornbread would be a good accompaniment.

So, as I have a bit of time and need to keep my mind off whether my corn bread will be good or not, I'm here to regale you all with my thoughts on "better" and "worse."

Both of these terms are comparative. i.e. something is inherently "better" or "worse" than something else. Like many things that get compared in life, the judgement winds up being subjective. What's "better" for one person might be "worse" for somebody else. (Thinking about my corn bread, I certainly hope it's not anybody's "worst," but I also doubt it will be the "best" anybody's ever had.)

Making comparative judgement calls when it comes to human beings is hilarious fun (read: actually a great cause of mind-fuckery). There are 3 main variations. (Anybody else noticing that these "list" type entries always seem to have 3 items? It's the fucking magic number, folks.)

Also, that video is exactly 3 minutes long.

Anyway. I did seriously have something to say about comparative bullshit within relationships. Commence.

1. Comparing yourself to others

The green-eyed monster idea. In relationships it takes a specific form beyond, "I wish I had that thing that other person has" to, "I wish I had that thing that other person has, because for some reason my significant other is paying attention to that thing and it makes me feel even more insecure about not having it." I'm guilty of it sometimes. This one is a pretty severe mental hurdle to get over because it's tied so closely to self-image. I'm not saying that you have to be the most confident person in the world. Only that I've found it helpful to at least admit that I'm not the most confident person in the world, and that sometimes it's helpful to get a little extra reassurance. "Yes, that person has that thing, but you have plenty of things that I also really like."

2. Comparing your partner to other people

This one plays out a lot in standard narrative love stories. Two people will be in a relationship and you can just tell it's not working between them. Nothing super serious like they're physically abusive towards each other or they're antagonistically fighting all the time. Just...little stupid stuff like he likes to play video games and she doesn't really care about video games.

Then he'll go shopping one day for the brand new video game and there'll be this girl in the store aisle with him. They'll both reach for the last copy of the video game box, and their hands will touch, and it will just be fucking true love from that point forward.

It can be more benign than that. And cross-gender. "All my guy friends understand that I like video games? Why can't you get it?" It becomes less about variant, albeit completely valid interests and more about proving a point about how you're somehow not supposed to get along with the person you're in a relationship with. Like, it's nice to have them around because they help you feel less lonely, but ultimately they're just in an endless competition to measure up to some pre-set standard that's been set even before you met them.

This can get difficult in polyamory or open relationships, because with multiple partners comes inevitable comparisons. The relationship I have with Now-hubby is very different than the relationship I have with Frisbee. We have different conversations, we have different interests together, we have different types of sex. The tricky part is trying not to qualify any of it as necessarily "better" or "worse." The really nice part is if I'm looking for a particular kind of what-have-you in my life, there are multiple options out there for getting that need met.

3. Comparing what you have with what you think you need


Sort of related to 1 and 2, but in it's own separate realm. It takes a bit of who you think you should be from 1, adds in that list of requirements for your partner in 2, and then blows up a huge shit bomb of "well, now what the fuck do I do because I'm supposed to be happy."

Somewhere in monogamous land there's also comparisons that get made when the "future perfect spouse" list can't be fully checked off, but there are at least a few really good qualities even though the rest of them might be shit. For example, concession for really good sex even though the emotional instability of said partner makes you want to set your brain on fire. Or concession for a really good sense of humor even though you'd rather your g-spot got tickled than your funny bone.