Friday, March 4, 2016

The long con

Before we officially begin, I'd like to go on record and say - even though I talk a big game about how incredibly slutty I am and how I can catch a dick anytime I want, the truth is it's only because I was a huge nerd in high school and never got laid. I just spent all my time reading books about sex.


I feel better having said that. 

I mean, I am incredibly slutty now, but it's not because I have some preternatural sexual abilities. 

Anyway, on with the entry proper.

I work with a fantastic group of coworkers. Especially as "that weird poly chick," it means a lot to have a place of employment where all the people (which makes it sound like a lot - I work closely with a team of 5 other people) don't treat me as a pariah. We have conversations that I wouldn't imagine having with anybody else. Probably conversations that a lot of other people would deem TMI, but we work in a field where we're up close with the more delicate aspects of being human on a regular basis, so our notion of what's acceptable lunch table conversation is a bit skewed. In my experience at the numerous other jobs I've had so far, I've been cautiously open and friendly with only one or two other people at each place. Where I am now it's 4 out of 5, which is pretty spectacular.

Which of course leaves 5, who is, by far, the most prototypical straight man I have ever met.

Just a few of his shining qualities: 
  • "A woman only needs a vibrator if I'm not doing my job."
  • Oh did you need help with that thing you're already doing but he will obviously do better because he has a penis.
  • He knows all the things (let him explain falafel - "it' a pita? It definitely starts with a pita"). 
  • Basically useless at work because he's too busy on Tindr and sending Snapchats to chicks that aren't even interested in him.


There's always one, right?

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