As somebody who can be fairly particular about language use, there are a few idiosyncrasies that drive me absolutely bananas. A notable one being people who use "but" as a conjunction to try and excuse their less than socially acceptable behavior. "I don't mean to be an asshole, but..." Just fucking say what you're going to say and be an asshole! It could just be my own reaction, but hearing somebody wind up this particular phrase actually makes me anticipate something much worse or judge the person as an even bigger asshole than if they hadn't felt the need to include that precedent apology. As soon as the person gets to that pause for the comma, that stupid fucking beat of silence I can feel my hackles raising.
A language transgression specific to "the lifestyle" came back to my attention as I was listening to a podcast on the way home from frisbee tonight. It's in relation to unicorn hunters, and I've figured out the 100% certain way to figure out if a couple are unicorn hunters or not. If they're not, you'll know because you'll never even hear the word. If they are, they'll say they aren't. "We're looking for another woman." *beat* "But we're not unicorn hunters."
Similar to people that think they can excuse a shitty statement just by putting a, "I don't mean it, but..." in front of it, a couple saying they're not unicorn hunters does absolutely nothing to distance themselves from that group. Just...fuck everything about an established male/female couple that's looking for that extra lady to meet all their stupid straight people desires. It's one step above one penis policy (nonmonagmous partnerships where the lady is only allowed to be sexually involved with other ladies) as far as straight people bullshit manifesting in non-monogamy. Again, maybe just my own experience, but I got involved in nonmogamy because the standard relationship narrative wasn't working for me. Not because I desperately wanted to follow all the same stupid dating rules and impractical gender ideals, just with more people.
The reason it's especially irritating is because it's always the same damn reasons why this couple is different. Oh, no, you see....the woman in the couple identifies as bisexual. Because that changes everything. The fact that the female half of the couple isn't being coerced into muff diving makes it totally okay to disregard the humanity of the muff that finally fits that glass slipper you've been carrying around.
This couple isn't like those other couples looking for "another lady" because they understand she might not love both of them equally at all times. Yet the expectation is that any woman will go on initial dates with both members of the couple, or (even shittier), will have to pass some sort of quality control date with the dude before being introduced to the lady.
The reason given on the podcast why this couple was definitely different than all those other couples and, you know, definitely not unicorn hunters was because, "we're a cool couple." As though being fun to hang out with negates the completely shitty way that they're still treating single women within non-monogamy. That type of insensitive bullshit defies even my rage limits.