Fantasy Fullfilment

I've had a very full schedule these past few days, sexually speaking.

On Wednesday I had a sex dream. Which, believe it or not, are not as common as occurrence for me as one might think. This one's focus was me having a penis and basically doing pushups over somebody while I also had my penis inside them. It was one of those dreams where it was incredibly sexy when it was happening (and I woke up incredibly wet from it), but now typing it out makes it sound more weird than sexually arousing.

On Friday an incredible couple invited me along to a sex party with them. This party is the fifth "variety" that I've checked out. For those who are curious, here are the classifications that I'm using:

1. Swinger parties.
2. The Gang Bangs.
3. "Let's get all our poly friends together, watch some TV or play board games, and then have sex with each other" parties.
4. Dungeon parties.
5. The party Friday night, which I guess I'll qualify as "cuddle-party plus" (or CPP for the duration of this entry).

For those of you are unfamiliar with what a cuddle party is, I'll refer you to their website for ease of explanation. The party Friday was run in a similar fashion to a cuddle party, only with the option of nudity and sexual intercourse if people felt like those things.

Also, I'd just like to point out that the logo for cuddle parties reminds me of something I should be paying three easy payments of $19.95 for.

It's nothing against the parties themselves, it's just a text-based assumption. Sort of how one can tell that a romantic comedy is going to be absolute tripe based just on the text style from the movie poster. Looking at the logo for cuddle parties, I feel like I should be bringing my glow in the dark magic sand or something.

The actual party was very similar to others I have been to. There was a fairly interesting mix of people, and a moderately interesting mix of activities that people became engaged in once the party got underway. The experience overall of the CPP, though, wasn't really my thing. One of the worst moments definitely being when the hosts' 4 year-old son came walking downstairs after the party had been in "go" mode for at least an hour.

There were other moments in the evening that didn't really pique my metaphysical boner, but the time-out for the toddler definitely ranks up there as one of the bigger boner killers.

As far as general party atmosphere, there wound up to be a specific quality of sex parties that I'd like to ruminate on here. To be clear, this is not one of my standard "why the fuck do things work this way" rants. It's just observational notes on a particular aspect I've noticed when I go to parties:

• Sex-party Monogamy. 

I've noticed this at all 5 party classifications listed above. There's a very big difference between being "single" and being "in a relationship," and I think it's incredibly weird (especially in otherwise sex-positive environments), to have to differentiate things based on whether there's a more serious form of commitment between people. General relationship rules = okay. Going into a situation as a couple and basing all other interactions on that established relationship = thumbs down. I'm slightly biased here because I started out as single and poly. I played by myself before I got involved with either Now-hubby or Frisbee, and we tend to play as individuals now. There are considerations because of the fluid-bonded nature of our relationship, but beyond that there's no expectation or obligation that we date and/or play as a unit.

It's also very interesting for me to notice the pairings that happen at things like the CPP. People who are playing as a single but will wind up "together" with one or more others for the duration of a 4 hour party. Two people or a group of people will set themselves up at the beginning of the party, and then continue to do the entire rest of the party together. They'll set up a little closed-off community, only playing with each other and hanging together even during snack/drink breaks.

Or those who want to make actual relationship connections. This makes me feel a bit of a hypocrite, because I did meet Frisbee at a gang bang. If I can elucidate, it's about intent. The sort of unnatural progression of: We've just met this evening for the first time. We touched each other's genitals and that felt pretty good. Now we should set something up so we can contact each other more frequently and get this thing off to a more "official" start. There's also, in my experience, a very clear expectation from the majority of the gentleman who come asking for contact info after I've touched their penises. That expectation being once we've set things up "officially," I won't go to sex parties anymore. Or that I will but as part of a proper couple from now on.

Salacious

For those who might be interested, the 50 Shades trailer came out today:

First point of order: This thing is going to come out on Valentine's Day.

Second point of order: It...doesn't look terrible. Which, I hate to fucking say that out loud.

While I'd lump the 50 Shades book in with My Immortal in terms of actual literary fanfiction merit, the fucking movie trailer has me all, "oh, look, there's some things representative of my sexual culture" and interested in seeing the damn thing. They don't, of course, cover any of the emotionally abusive stuff from the book in the trailer. But it's almost enough for me to want to see if and/or how they will handle it.

If it turns out to actually be a good movie, this is me:

To keep you all posted on how Frisbee, Now-hubby, and I are doing, I recently put this up on the white board on our fridge.

Because we switched the schedule around slightly so I now alternate Friday nights, and it turns out I am total shit at remembering whose Friday it's supposed to be. So with this handy system I can just change the date on top and move the magnet into either Now-hubby's square or Frisbee's square. You know, just one of those incredibly erotic things about living together that I thought you might all enjoy knowing about.

Circle slash babies

Here are some things that are going on in my life:

• I recently bought an Njoy butt plug and have been enjoying the hell out of it during both masturbation and partnered sexytimes. For those of you who really want to be in the know, I got the medium. It seemed more substantial than the small, but I didn't want to pysch myself out and get the large and then not be able to handle it. I'm pretty comfortable with knowing how much my butthole can take at this point, and the medium is fucking perfect. I think the thing I like the most about it, though, is that it came in a fancy little box. I feel like I should be conducting anal play in a cape and crown. Please tell me somebody has encrusted one of these with diamonds and used it as an engagement present. The box is that fancy.

• Frisbee and I went back to the gang bangs this past Saturday. I didn't play at this one. Frisbee did participate. It's something that's honestly surprised me about the whole non-monogamy thing: how much I like watching my partner have sex with somebody else. It was something, when I thought about it as I was framing how I wanted my relationships to work, that really upped my anxiety levels. I saw it as being a possible huge stumbling block for me. The thought of my partner going out on dates - kissing and fucking other people was enough to make me incredibly insecure. I didn't know how I was going to handle actually watching my partner fuck somebody else. I dealt with the former by asking my partner to give me really descriptive play-by-play details when they got home from dates. I dealt with the latter by apparently just being okay with it. There was this marriage relationship thing I read once (can't remember the actual source) that recommended being able to observe your partner in situations that have nothing to do with you. That it can remind you of what you initially fell in love with, because it brings you back to the context of an outside observer instead of somebody who lives 24/7 with this person and knows all their little habits and oddities. I find this very accurate when I watch Frisbee or Now-hubby have sex with somebody other than myself. It makes me incredibly happy to watch them make somebody else feel as good as they make me feel. (It also really helps that they make me feel that happy on a regular basis as well.)

• Now-hubby and I went to watch Obvious Child last weekend. He had gone to see it while I was visiting The German, and it was apparently good enough that he willing to see it again with me. I knew virtually nothing about the movie going in except that people on Facebook (notably Planned Parenthood) had been posting stuff about it because the main character gets an abortion. Overall, I thought it was really good. Like 4 out of 5 stars good. One of the nit-picks was I felt it was sort of a conceit that the main character, Donna, was allowed to be a woman who was funny because she was a stand-up comic. Although Jenny Slate is a stand-up comic in real life, for purposes of the movie it just sort of rubbed me wrong that she couldn't just be a woman who worked in a book store and also found dick and fart jokes hilarious. Because dick and fart jokes are hilarious. Also, I get it. Donna is quirky (vomit). I don't need a scene with her sitting inside a box when she's supposed to be filling said box with books just so I understand how neat and original she is.

      Overall, though, I think the movie did a really good job being "indie" without being over-the-top indie where some conservative individual might wind up seeing it and go, "well of course that sinning hippie girl got an abortion." I also really liked the female-community aspect to the film. Donna's female friend and mother have both also had abortions. All three women have stories and feelings behind the abortions, but all three abortions also wind up just being events that occurred the same way as all other events in the womens' lives. There's also a really good scene post-procedure where Donna and a few other women are just sort of sitting in the doctor's office all experiencing the same thing but dealing with it individually. Alright, and the "new spin" on rom-com was also really sweet. Mostly I just really liked the movie because it's the first (to my knowledge) feature length film to have abortion as one of it's main topics, yet not have it be all, "omg she has to get an *whisper voice* abortion." No families get torn apart. No friendships get tested and destroyed. No relationships have to end. A woman just makes a choice regarding her body and her life, and the movie follows her through that. I liked that.

(Also, I can't figure out the HTML to get that last paragraph to indent on each line. Buh.)

Hot buttered popcorn

Now-hubby and I had our night together tonight, and we spent it watching The Big Chill. Which was one of those movies where a talented cast of actors gets together and does one of those things normal people do (in this case, attend a friend's funeral), but in a much more actory fashion.

There's an incredibly cringe-worthy scene in the movie where Sarah (Glenn Close) sends Harold (Kevin Kline) off to impregnate Meg (Mary Kay Place). Meg's all baby crazy, and Sarah's all, "my husband has knocked me up loads of times, so I'm sure he's just the one to put a baby in you."

I always feel slightly hypocritical when I do a spit-take to stuff like this. Little Miss Alternative Relationship gets squicked when watching a scene where one woman's husband consensually knocks up their mutual friend. I guess my main issue is that it had to happen via actual sexual intercourse. Did artificial insemination not exist in 1983? Although if I analyze it more, it's an interesting point about how much babies ruin everything. Meg and Harold's sex scene is pretty tame and task-oriented as compared with a sex scene between two other characters that gets cut to during the baby-making ugly-bumping. Like the very thought of a baby is enough to suck the joy out of any occasion, up to and including the act of actually squirting the baby batter into the mixing bowl. Although it's interesting, also, to note that the aftermath of the Meg/Harold sex is way more cuddly and lovey than the sex between the other two characters. Which reinforces the belief that hot, bump-and-grind sex on the front lawn is, in the moment, really awesome but people can't base a happy, fulfilling relationship just on mutual awesomeness at sex. 

Defying expectations

It's been almost a month now since Frisbee, Now-hubby and I all sat down to negotiate this whole living together thing.

Exactly one week after that dinner, I left for Germany for two weeks and left Frisbee and Now-hubby to their own devices. They seemed to survive fairly well. While the two of them definitely aren't best dudes forever, it's been pretty smooth sailing so far with them having to share space and more directly share me. I'm planning for the three of us to go out again in about a week and review the whole "living together" plan - and then review it every month after that as well.

Seeing The German was incredibly nice. With the distance between us, our relationship is quite different although nonetheless significant. It's very interesting for me to think that I've known The German now for almost 3 years, yet the amount of time we've actually been able to spend physically together has only been cumulatively about a month. The time and distance between us definitely factors into how the relationship gets maintained, and how I think we're moving forward with it.

I returned home to incredible hugs from Now-hubby and Frisbee at the airport. Two weeks is the longest I've ever been away from either of them. While on the one hand I was very eager to get back together with each of them sexually, I also knew that after my return flight I had to fight jet lag at least a little bit, and having sex would be the surest way to turn my body into a Jello pile of sleepiness.

So I staved off sexytimes in favor of a deliciously greasy Culver's bacon cheeseburger, some Sprite and vodka, and the soccer game. Which is not to say that Frisbee, Now-hubby, and I didn't have sweet, sweet reunion sex. That definitely happened.

After which I fell asleep for about 12 straight hours. 

I'm looking forward to next week being more of a "standard" week as far as scheduling is concerned. I'm looking forward to so many more cuddles, and loves, and phenomenal sex. And writing about it all here, of course.