That's just like...your opinion, man

I found this interesting little tidbit earlier today. It's mostly about whether or not women should wear make-up, but also has a bit in it about how people are allowed divergent opinions on things. Which is an interesting mindset.

I sometimes have difficulty with this - the idea that people are entitled to their opinions. It's easy enough when I run into somebody who has different taste in things like media ("Oh, you think 2 Fast 2 Furious was the best movie of all time? That's...different."), but when I encounter people and they're talking about their relationships, it can be difficult sometimes to keep my inner judgement monologue in check.

 
(Also, just for reference, I fucking hate The Breakfast Club, but that's a good gif.)

It's not, "grr why won't you realize the obvious superiority of my relationship format?"

 
It's more...I tend to encounter people who talk about their relationships and are genuinely unhappy about them or in some other way just making shitty generalizations about them. These come in the format where they'll say something they don't like about their relationship, and then just sort of give me a shrug like, "well, what do you expect?" It took me a long time to get used to this - being raised with parents where everything was a problem in their relationship, it was difficult to parse out what exactly was an issue worth throwing away a relationship for, and what was just sort of a minor difference in the way people approach things. Now that I do know the difference a bit better, though, it's even more difficult to listen to people complain about their relationships in the prior sense and not just be...

Very few people come up to me and want to talk about how they went to see a movie or read an entire book but they just didn't really understand the purpose behind the whole thing. People frequently, though, talk about their relationships as though the relationship is this confusing alternate universe where things just don't make sense. Like, they wanted to be in a relationship, right? That's what everyone around them in relationships told them. They saw relationships from the outside and they looked all shiny and awesome, but now that they're in one it just doesn't quite seem as awesome. But it's better than being alone, right? RIGHT?

I had a fantastic Deadjournal entry (yeah, Deadjournal. Want to fight about it?) about this at one point in high school when everybody was freaking out about finding somebody to be in a relationship with. The notion that you just can't be single - that's fucking terrible. Even more terrible is to communicate your actual desires once you're actually in a relationship. Because then the other person might not be into the same things, and you'll wind up single again. It's another one of the inherent dangers when the world is portrayed as nothing but an opportunity for monogamous pair-bonding.

Note: I used a lot of italics in this particular entry. I'm not sure why. I just liked slanty writing, apparently. Or for some reason this entry necessitated more emphasis. Who knows.

Also note: I watched Pitch Perfect tonight. It had a main plot point of the romance story be The Breakfast Club, which made me vomit with rage.

It also had one of those leading man characters who is just fucking adorably perfect the entire time until you want to fucking punch him in the teeth.

 
Like...you could make a drinking game out of how many times he just looks at the main lady character sort of like, "I appreciate your alternative nature."

You'd be fucking plastered by the half hour mark of the movie.

Alternative therapy

Before we begin this blog entry, I'd like to state that I am in no way advocating getting into either poly or BDSM as a sure-fire way to fix your psychological issues. I'm not trying to say that somehow poly or BDSM "fixed" me and I'm now a perfect ball of mental stability at all times. These are just some random observations I've made while thinking about stuff recently.

Poly = openness on other subjects. As we've previously discussed (please turn to the relevant pages of this blog for reference), Now-hubby and I have been poly since the beginning of our relationship. Even before we ever kissed, held hands, anything, I told him, "you can date me, but I'm probably still going to fuck other people." I believe the conversation happened on AIM, because that's what all the cool kids used to talk to each other on their super awesome computers back in my day.

In any case, being open about this aspect of what I wanted made it easier to be honest with Now-hubby about a lot of other things as well. Especially in the early days, we had to hash out exactly how our relationship was going to function. Because we were already spending a lot of time talking about our feelings and trying to honestly express what we wanted, I found it a lot easier to talk to him about my feelings about more general things. For example, that I like to be left alone when I get angry about something. Or that I sometimes say incredibly cutting and malicious things because I un-admittedly want to sabotage things that are going well for me. Or, when I visit parents, to not mistake smiles for actual happiness, and to not press on how I'm actually feeling.

Sessions = dealing with my own emotions. I find this especially when I'm subbing. I've explained it to other people who want a "why" to understand the reason I enjoy BDSM.

 
When I'm subbing, I like the fact that I can push my body to its limits. It's a particular reason I like impact play. The amount of impact/pain my body can actually handle is fascinating, and the mental ability to handle the physical aspects is no less impressive to me. If I'm with a particularly good top, I can get to a point while subbing where my whole mental ability to deal with things will sort of evaporate. At this point I usually start crying. Not because I'm actually hurt or because I'm upset or sad. If I'm with somebody who knows me, they won't stop the session when this happens. (As a favorite Dom of mine once said, "'No' is not your safe word.") They'll recognize that it's just overload for that particular moment - that my brain is working at maximum capacity to deal with what's happening to my body, and it's overwhelming. But in a very, very good way. The best way I can explain this moment is like abject clarity. I've also sometimes cried during orgasm. Again, not because I'm actually hurt or upset about anything. Just because I've reached a point where it becomes impossible for my brain to process my body anymore, and it just goes into release mode. I find this helpful when I'm dealing with something on an emotional level in the real world. There are very few moments in the real world that are as physically taxing as those that happen during sessions, or during orgasm. It's a good emotional guidepost for where my brain has it's limits.

Penny, do you even science?

In which I discuss nerdery. And why in the hell nerds have to fight amongst themselves about the right type of nerdery vs. the not good enough kind. I mean, you're already part of a subculture. Why the infighting and stupid status bullshit? Is it because as part of a subculture you just can't take being accepted, so you have to create drama even within your own community?

It all stems from this morning, when I found a link on twoX about the "fake nerd girl" meme. Which I'll save you all the hours of Google research I did on the topic and just post this picture from the article, which I think is the one that says the most:

Although I'll also link you to albinwonderland's awesome video on the subject. (She has some generally very cool videos in addition to this one, so worth checking out her YouTube channel.)

In any case, the general gist behind the whole meme thing is that "hot" girls can't be nerds. Which I feel as though Kameron's point is especially poignant on that statement. What happens to every awesome but not totally boob-tacular cosplay outfit at cons? Maybe they look just as fucking awesome. Examples to follow.  It's a bit of Rule 63 of the Internet. If you don't give us strong female characters to emulate at cons, we will take male characters and dress up as them because it is better than trying to dress up as the comic industry's ideal of what a woman is and then being mocked because of it.

Yes, I did include two Samus Aran. Because she is fucking awesome. And no, for those of you looking for a fight, I can't name all of the references for the rest of the linked cosplays. But I don't consider myself any less of a "nerd" because of it, so take your rage boners elsewhere.

 
(Special thanks to the German for that particular image.)

So I'll leave you with this, because I always love throwing in semi-related articles at the end of my blogs. Prost.

Shrinking Violet

So, Frisbee and I went out to dinner yesterday and I got this drink thing where the rim of the glass had been lined with strawberry Pop Rocks. It was pretty cool, and also came with another little shot glass of Pop Rocks which the waiter person advised me I could put in the drink if I wanted, but to be careful about it because the last time he did that the drink sort of exploded and got all over people. So, with that in mind I was a bit trepidatious about putting the extra Pop Rocks into the drink. The waiter person came back and told me to "man up" about it.

I'm generally not a person who fights the use of language. The German and I talked a little bit about this, the idea behind actual word etymology and the way that some people have taken words out of context so they can be offended by them. One of my favorite examples is the idea from some people that I can't use the word "straight" when giving directions, because "straight" implies "heterosexual" and is therefore heteronormative. I'm supposed to say "forward" instead. That's total bullshit. For some reason, though, the idea that I was supposed to "man up" about the Pop Rocks kind of pissed me off. And ultimately led to me brainstorming ways that I could be even more hardcore with the Pop Rocks than waiter person had ever even considered. Pouring them out onto the table, cutting lines and then snorting them? A definite possibility.

I found this decent article on the origin of the phrase "man up." And then this little piece on how it sort of sucks that there's not a female equivalent for the phrase. Although "man" is another word that I fight on usage with people because the etymology behind it is tricky, in this instance I feel like the meaning is strictly "man" as in "one with a penis." Which, I don't need a penis in order to throw a shot glass of Pop Rocks into an alcoholic drink. Even if addressed to men - i.e. if for some reason Frisbee had the drink with Pop Rocks and the waiter person had told him to "man up" about it, the shitty gender implication is still there.

I never really did understand the whole concept behind women supposed to be these meek and unassuming individuals while men got to do awesome things like throw shot glasses of Pop Rocks into their drinks. Even before I was doing the whole Mistress thing, I was a fairly outspoken lady. I didn't really ascribe to the shoulds about how I was supposed to act. I mean, in regards to general social niceties, sure. But in regards to, "oh, you shouldn't do that/like that/think that way because you're a lady?" That's crap.

To illustrate: Now-hubby and I were watching Freaks and Geeks recently, and there's this episode where the kids are going out to buy fake IDs. To those of you who have never seen the show, the only context you need for the rest of this rant is that Lindsay and Nick are two characters who are dating. They go to get fake IDs, and the guy making them starts hitting on Lindsay. She says no thanks, and the fake ID guy persists. Which then Nick steps in all, "hey, man, that's my girlfriend." Which...why isn't it the fake ID guy getting called out for his shitty behavior? The general social nicety thing where a person's said no and you should respect that and back the fuck off. Instead Lindsay's getting protected like she can't handle her own business? It reinforces the power balance that somehow she's lesser than either other person in the scene just because she's a woman. The fake ID guy ignores the fact that she's clearly indicated disinterest in his advances, and then Nick steps in and instead of being like, "hey bro that's a crappy way to treat somebody" goes for the, "respect her because I have some form of social ownership of her"?

Anyway. I'll leave you all with this amusing and semi-related fantastic gif set. And since the James Deen dildo is fast becoming boyfriend thing number 4 (seriously, the orgasms I have with that thing are off the fucking charts), and since Cracked is pretty funny sometimes, also this.

ABCs

Hello, denizens. I have just returned from a fantastic week-long trip to Germany. Mostly to visit the German, which was awesome and great and lots of other adjectives that just mean "happy glowy cuddle times." I am awake right now (around 6:30am), but we'll see how the time difference wants to play it's evil games with me and how long I'll actually wind up staying awake. It depends on how long it takes me to catch up on all my tumblr thingies and webcomic stuff that I missed out on for a week because I was too busy cuddling and making out with the German. No complaints, I would have rather been doing the latter anyway. Hurr hurr "doing the latter." I'm going to blame that one on the fact that I'm up rather early and not on the fact that I'm an incomparably immature individual.

And, yes. In case you were wondering, I am eating a brownie for breakfast right now. Because it's delicious, that's why.

Perhaps at some later time when I am not quite so loopy I will regale you all with tales of my travels. But for now, I will leave you with dick bees. Because it's hilarious, that's why.