Friday, December 12, 2014

Soft spots

So, for context before we begin this entry. I'm currently sitting at this little desk thing in a hotel room while the guy I'm on a date with goes to his work Christmas party (he'll be coming back afterward). Already this evening, he gave me a great back rub after an incredibly stressful day at work and we had phenomenal sex where he finished into my mouth. Then we sat around, watched Duck Soup, and talked about our current favorite TV shows. Also, I got these amazing new knee-high socks because his wife is a shrimp (an incredibly sexy one) and they don't fit her tiny, sexy legs. And now he's on his way to his work party and I'm sitting here with some Gardetto's and a Shiner Bock to write this entry.

We also had a fun discussion about how unremarkable all of the above seems to us, while most of the people we interact with on a daily basis would be shocked.

In any case, let's get this entry underway, shall we?

I've been spending a bit of time recently watching pornography. I became a member over at A Four Chambered Heart, who happens to have as one of their video performers the breath-stoppingly sexy Owen Gray.

(Yes, the picture is actually from Where I do not have a membership but where Owen does perform and is still incredibly sexy.)

Anyway. This entry is not about him specifically. I just wanted to mention him because he is worth knowing about. And he happens to be a performer on the site that I've been watching porn on recently, so there you go. You're welcome.

What this entry is about is the misrepresentation of female arousal in pornography. (Ladies and gentlemen, the award for sentence most likely to be taken from a human sexualities thesis paper goes to...) See here my previously stated opinions on porn in general. Let's take a few moments to clarify vocabulary. By "female arousal," I don't mean simply, "is she having an orgasm or faking it?" I'm not here to judge female porn performers and whether or not they're having authentic orgasms. I've been knuckle deep in authentics and in fakers, and that's really the only way to judge. So whether or not somebody externally looks like they're having an orgasm is none of my concern. By "female arousal" I mean what is expressed in porn as being necessary to get a lady interested. Especially the tropes specific to her partner(s) gender.

For simplicities sake, I'm talking only about two style of porn. Straight (woman/man) and lesbian (woman/woman). Which I feel neither one has a very good grasp on what women actually enjoy. In straight porn, there's the myth that penetration=orgasm. There's lots of writhing around, but the woman doesn't actually start getting orgasmically invested until something is in or around her vagina. In lesbian porn, it's the eroticization of kissing. Woman-on-woman is all sensual touches, delicate licks, and practical orgasms just from being in the same physical presence as another vagina. (Don't even get me started on scissoring, which I'm sure serves a very great purpose for those who it works for, but the proliferation of which in pornography is right up there with facials as a standard "finishing" move in straight porn. The frequency of how often those activities happen in real life versus how often they happen in porn is, I think, severely less.) Women have this dichotomous choice to be either the cock-hungry nympho (straight porn) or the sensitive snowflake that only needs foreplay to feel satisfied (lesbian porn). There are, of course, exceptions to the rule. I'm just nattering about the "usual." There's two typical, mythical expressions of female sexuality in porn. The "penetration only" orgasm and women being so incredibly sensitive that kissing is erotic enough as sexual expression.

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